You may be a reference librarian if...

Actual conversation:

"Excuse me, I can't seem to find this book. Where's the C section?"

"'C' section? You want books about obstetrics?"

"No, I found this book in the catalog, but I can't find it."

"Well, what is the call number? I'd be happy to help you find it."

"C2011. Where is that?"

At this point, I very carefully did NOT say that the patron was, in fact, giving me the publication's copyright date, and not a full call number.

At least I knew that the patron was looking for a new book, probably in the new book section...

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had to inform someone that not only is bathing in the library against local ordinance, but that the alcohol-based hand sanitizer is not for bathing.

Really?

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever returned to the Reference Desk after running an errand across the library, only to come upon a man using the stapler.

With nothing being stapled.

Just stapling air, quite happily.

And then, as you got close enough to offer assistance, he scooped up all the bent staples with great care, and carried them back to where he left his backpack.

At this point, I stopped watching, not really wanting to know what he was doing with a dozen or so bent staples....

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had to tell a mother that her dipped-in-snot-rolled-in-dirt 5 year old son needs to be taught to not pee on the outside of the library building.

Or, if he simply must, to not pee on the floor-to-ceiling windows.