You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever debated taking the scotch tape dispenser from someone taping grocery bags around their shoes on a rainy morning.

Dear patron:

Asking me if certain DVDs are available is okay. I don't mind looking them up for you at all. I know that I understand our catalog a lot better than you, and it is my pleasure to help you track down materials.

However, if I tell you they are checked out, and offer to place a hold on them (which you refuse), don't be surprised if my other two colleagues give you the same answer when you ask them about the same DVDs within 10 minutes.

kthxbai!

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a patron open their wallet to give you their library card and a baggie of pot has fallen out.

...if you've gotten to the point of recognizing who is in the reading area behind you just by the smell.

...if you've ever been consulted by one of your colleagues about what to do when someone finds a syringe in the stacks. (Answer: Get in touch with the local fire department so they can put it in their sharps box in the ambulance the next time they're in the area.)

...if the above have ever happened to you, and you've ever thought, "I went to grad school for this???"

Dear local author:

If you really want your book in the library's collection, it would behoove you to not insult the circulation staff, the volunteers who process donations, and the librarian who selects titles for your genre in one explicit statement.

Just a pro tip for free.

P.S. I checked your book on amazon. Panned. And it's 12 years old and our gifts policy doesn't add titles over 10 years old unless they are stellar classics.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had anyone turn in a small, pink, glitter-covered, skirt-wearing plastic pony with long pink hair in the mane and tail.

And when you've joked to a colleague about how the Ref desk is becoming a stable, the colleague very seriously replied that the pony had been in the periodical section the day before.

Who put the perky pink plastic pony in Periodicals?

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever been informed by a colleague that a patron wishes to lodge a formal complaint that the library's collection doesn't have any movies featuring warlocks.

I'm torn between saying, "Really? In over 5,000 movies, you couldn't find one that had a warlock?" OR making a list of 20 titles to order.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever helped a homeless person print out a bank statement from the internet.

Especially if, in the process of making sure your printer's toner cartridge was shaken enough to not make pale streaks on every other document, you notice that it's not so much a statement as a receipt...a receipt for transferring $1,800 to a bank account in Nigeria belonging to someone whose name starts with "Prince."

Seriously, you have $1,800 to lose to an internet scam, but you keep all of your world belongings in a shopping cart with a tarp by the door of the library?

Then again, maybe you have $1,800 to lose BECAUSE you own a shopping cart full of stuff, and that's it.