You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever received a phone call from a patron while they were driving. And you know that they were driving when you hear the car park, turn off...and then the alarm goes off. Loudly.

"Could you email that to me? My email address is HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK."

Thank goodness the patron stopped to chat with a neighbor in the street before getting back to the phone call, too.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever helped anyone create a facebook account. And that person was born in 1923.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a woman with two small children approach you at the desk and say:

Is there somewhere we could go to have sex?

............

Me, after a pause to check I was still in reality: Excuse me?

Her: Is there somewhere we could go to have snacks? (waves bag in the air)

Me, trying to not display my relief at having to fend off the original question: I'm sorry, we don't have food in the library.

Her: But we brought our own. (waves bag in air again)

Me: Oh, I meant that we don't allow eating in the library.

Well, found out later that we do allow snacks in the kids' section, but that's it.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if, every week, you have the same conversation with the same woman.

"Hi. I'd like a copy of the Times Sunday crossword."

*fumbles in cabinet for the Times Sunday magazine section that we keep at the desk for patrons to borrow to make their own copies* "Here you go!"

"Oh...you don't make copies anymore?"

"No, sorry. But you can make your own copy on the photocopier over there." *points in general direction*

"But you used to make copies!"

*Bites tongue so as to not make any of the following snarky replies:
1. Yes, we still do, but they're usually gone by the end of the day Sunday. Today is Wednesday.

2. It's easier to tell you we don't make copies than to explain that we don't make LOTS of copies so that we don't end up with extras at the end of the week.

3. We'd charge you a dime for a copy from the desk. Curiously, it costs you a dime to make your own copy. How bout that?

4. No, we don't make copies. Nor did we last week, last month, or last year. This should no longer surprise you.*

Good thing I'm a professional and all...

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had someone walk into your work space carrying a didgeridoo.

Or, in this case, three of them.

Dear patron:

Would you be offended if I quietly placed a box of tissues by you at your table? Cause you've been sniffling for about 20 minutes now, approximately every 7 seconds.

Yes, I've been counting.

Yes, I'm very cranky today.