You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had anyone turn in a small, pink, glitter-covered, skirt-wearing plastic pony with long pink hair in the mane and tail.

And when you've joked to a colleague about how the Ref desk is becoming a stable, the colleague very seriously replied that the pony had been in the periodical section the day before.

Who put the perky pink plastic pony in Periodicals?

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever been informed by a colleague that a patron wishes to lodge a formal complaint that the library's collection doesn't have any movies featuring warlocks.

I'm torn between saying, "Really? In over 5,000 movies, you couldn't find one that had a warlock?" OR making a list of 20 titles to order.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever helped a homeless person print out a bank statement from the internet.

Especially if, in the process of making sure your printer's toner cartridge was shaken enough to not make pale streaks on every other document, you notice that it's not so much a statement as a receipt...a receipt for transferring $1,800 to a bank account in Nigeria belonging to someone whose name starts with "Prince."

Seriously, you have $1,800 to lose to an internet scam, but you keep all of your world belongings in a shopping cart with a tarp by the door of the library?

Then again, maybe you have $1,800 to lose BECAUSE you own a shopping cart full of stuff, and that's it.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a call asking for translation from [insert foreign language of your choice here] to English, and you quickly realize that the caller is trying to get you to speak of sexual acts.

Or maybe not so quickly realize it. Sigh.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever answered the Ref Desk phone to be asked a question about how to send an email.

And especially if you suddenly realize the caller is 15' away from you, looking down at you from the balcony with laptop in hand.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a reference call from someone who wants to know about KH in a saltwater aquarium...cause the caller was, you know, drunk the night before and accidentally put in 44 drops of some particular chemical, instead of the 8-10 recommended. And how could the chemistry now be adjusted to recover from that?

Unfortunately, I have no experience with salt water aquariums. Finally found a phone number for a local salt water aquarium club, and recommended talking to local experts.

Musta been really drunk to have mistaken 44 drops for 8-10.

Dear patron:

Much as we'd love to purchase the title you requested, if we can't READ the request, we can't order it.

I *think* the word in the middle is "Policy." Or Police. Or Polity. Or Politics.

Oh, and the author's first name might be Emma. Or Erin.

Also, if you have no library card, and don't give an address or phone number, we can't let you know when the book is in.