What it takes to be a librarian

Sometimes, I think it takes a certain skill to be a successful librarian.  Today, that skill is "Knowing When to Give Nice Answer VS. Honest Answer, AKA 'What You REALLY Want to Say'."

Case in point:  We have a patron who frequently uses our internet computers.  I've never been approached by this patron for anything other than the Same. Exact. Conversation.

'Uh, yeah, I was just using that computer (points vaguely towards entire room full of computers) and it was really slow.  Why are all of you computers so slow?"

Good librarian answer:  "Well, they get a lot of use."
Bad librarian answer: "We slow them down on purpose to annoy library users."

"Yeah, but it's really annoying."

Good librarian:  "I'm sorry to hear that you're having troubles."
Bad librarian:  "You complained about this last month, and I did nothing about it then, too."

"I mean, I could barely do what I needed to do, they were that slow."

Good librarian:  "I'm sorry to hear that you're having troubles."
Bad librarian is, at this point, screaming at ME inside my head:  JUST TELL THE GUY THAT THE COMPUTERS ARE SLOW BECAUSE THEY ARE FREE FOR HIM AND EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD TO USE, BUT IF HE'D LIKE TO UNDERWRITE AN UPGRADE, HE COULD SEND A CHECK.

Some day, I will, in fact slip.

Pro tip for free:

If you are a hard of hearing patron who calls for help using your e-reader and our ebooks, please DO ME THE COURTESY OF TURNING DOWN YOUR TELEVISION.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a man snoozing not 15' away from the desk.  This is not all that unusual.

And, half an hour after you first noticed him sleeping, you go over and gently pat him on the shoulder and ask him to wake up.  He jumps about 3' up when you wake him, but sits up straighter.  Also not unusual.  

And then, an hour later, you go wake him up again.  Slightly less usual to have to wake the same person, but not unheard of.

What IS unusual, though, is that the man again jumps 3' when you wake him...and immediately starts speaking to you in sign language.

In retrospect, I guess that explains why none of my artfully 'dropped' books disturbed him.

You know it's going to be a long day when...

...30 minutes into the morning shift, you've already had to help someone with their computer three times in the first 10 minutes of their session.

And one of those times led to the patron informing you that you probably have a virus on the computer because the screen keeps going back to some other window and won't stay where they want it to.  And you try very hard to not lose your cool when explaining that every time they click on the little blue "e" they are, in fact, opening a new browser window and not, in fact, actually navigating the website they seek.

It's amazing to witness the digital divide in action day after day after day.  Cause it is real, it exists, and it's profound.

Just when you think you've seen everything...

...a man walks past the Reference Desk with a half gallon of chocolate milk on one side and a gallon of iced tea hanging off the other side of his belt.

Sloshing away, too.

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever gotten a report from a colleague that someone complained of a dead rabbit in the bathroom.

And then, when a staff member goes to investigate, they find someone washing two rabbits in the sink and a third one dead on the counter.

Animal Control and the Police were called.  It was ugly.

I cannot make this stuff up.  

You may be a reference librarian if...

...if you've ever had a reference interview with a man wearing 3 belts.

...if you've ever had a reference interview with a man who spoke only pidgin German and pidgin French...but has a library card & grew up in town.